First I want to Congratulate all my team mates who have raced so far at the Games. Everyone has put there best on the line and kept things interesting. Results and pictures are constantly being updated on the Canoe Kayak Canada facebook page and at the Canadian Olympic Committe website, www.olympic.ca .
Now I know, it hasn't even been two weeks and I am already a day late. But in my defence I wrote a post yesterday and when I went to upload it the internet cut out and I lost it to the world wide web. I am taking it as a sign. Originally I was not going to post anything about a recent injury I suffered. I racked my brain to think of a good post for yesterdays blog and if I am being honest, it really was not that good. So, the blog you are reading is not the blog I thought of on Thursday. It is a more honest blog about real thoughts that I have had this week.
On Saturday I was warming up to paddle and my back, that has caused me some trouble over the last couple of years, was back to its old tricks. Everytime I would take a stroke there was a sharp pain that made me feel like I was injuring myself. Over the years I have dealt with pain. Pain in my shoulders, pain in my hips, cuts from boats and who knows what else, but this pain was different. It was like a part of my spine was tearing away from the rest. It sounded silly when it came out of my mouth but it was the best way I could describe it.
So, I did not do the workout. I told my coach, the team massage therapist and the team physio what I was feeling and we got to work. We tried to treat the pain and hoped that it would improve. The pain did not subside. If anything it got worse. I went from just having pain to also having my leg give out at random. Sunday came and went and the pain did not get any better. Sitting on a couch was painful and it started to occur to me that if I could not sit on something comfortable and soft how on earth could I sit on the seat in my boat?
I told myself,"Stop thinking like that." I didn't want to get worked up over nothing ...
Tuesday came and as I bent down and tried to get in my boat I knew that I was not at 100%. Heck if I was being honest with myself I don't think I was even at 75%. But, I wanted to be okay more than anything. So I went for a loop. I tried to take good strokes and after 4 or 5 strokes I was in so much pain that I felt like I was going to vomit.
So here was the predicament( or my thoughts): The Pan American Games are an Olympic qualifying event. I was selected to represent Canada and compete to qualify the K-1 200m spot. But, I am hurt. If I race down am I doing myself more harm? If I race down am I really helping my team? There was an internal debate between what I wanted and what I knew was right ...
When I was really honest with myself I knew my friend and team mate, Emilie, could and SHOULD do it. As hard as it was that was the decision that was right. I know deep down that passing up an opportunity now will allow for more opportunities in the future. Not that, that made the decision any easier.
Tuesday was a tough day. What do I do now? was all I kept thinking. My team mates were all very thoughtful. Everyone had kind, positive words of encouragement. They were all willing to help me or give me a hug and not a single person made me question my decision.
I felt like I was letting my team, myself and even my friends and family down. But, those exact people were quick to tell me, that was not the case.
Sport is a wonderful thing. I have been reminded of it quite a few times this season. It brings people together. Sport is obviously a competition where people look to succeed but along the way a lot more happens. I am not competing this week but I was definitely a recipient of the "more" part of sport.
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